Chapter 103
Lucian let out a long, exasperated sigh. Honestly, he had no idea how Celestia knew everything about him, down to the color of his underwear, but whatever. He was too tired to care anymore.
Celestia giggled, clearly delighted by her newfound knowledge. “Now you believe me, huh? I know everything about you,” she said, as if she’d just accomplished something monumental.
“Yeah, yeah,” Lucian muttered awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You got me.”
Celestia’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she asked, “So, when are we getting married, hubby?” She looked at him expectantly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Lucian froze. “Ugh, wait. Isn’t this… too much?” He sighed, his face hot with embarrassment. “I’m not ready. Honestly, I’m still not …too much had happened and i.”
He glanced at her, a hint of regret in his voice. “I don’t even know what love is, and… well, even if I did want to, I’m not sure I could. I mean, you know my situation, right?” His words trailed off, unsure of how to voice the tangled mess of thoughts in his head.
Celestia fell silent, processing his words.
After a few moments, she tilted her head and asked with genuine curiosity, “Oh… so you’re confused about love? Let me ask you something. What is love, according to you?”
Her voice was soft, but there was a keen intensity behind it, like she was trying to understand the depths of his heart.
genuinely curious
Lucian blinked, taken aback by the question. It was certainly an unexpected one. He took a moment to think, his mind whirling as he tried to put his feelings into words. After a few moments of contemplation, he finally spoke.
“Love…” he began slowly, choosing his words carefully, “…on one hand, love is about the joy of having someone, the fulfillment of knowing they’re there, that you’re together. But on the other hand, it’s also about the fear of losing them, the possibility that they could slip away from you. The two are inseparable. Love brings happiness, yes, but it also carries with it the potential for pain and loss.”
He paused, staring at the table for a moment as if reflecting on his own experiences. “From my perspective and based on what I’ve gone through I’d say love is the fear of losing someone. To want to keep someone in your life, to fear the thought of them disappearing, that’s love. Because you don’t want to live without them.”
Lucian’s expression darkened slightly, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “You know, wanting to ‘get’ someone isn’t love. I’ve proposed to Avey countless times. Yes, I wanted to be with her, but why did I keep putting in all that effort? Every day, again and again, trying to show her that I’m the best for her, that no one could love her the way I do?”
He paused for a moment, looking distant, almost as if he were speaking more to himself than to Celestia. “I tried so hard because I was afraid. Afraid that if I didn’t do it now, if I didn’t show her, I’d lose her. I might lose her forever.”
Lucian paused for a moment, as if trying to find the right analogy to explain his feelings. He reached for a nearby glass cup, holding it up for Celestia to see.
“Okay, let me put it this way,” he said, his voice thoughtful. “Let’s say I want this cup. I can just buy it, right? It might cost me a buck or two, something easy. Getting it is simple.”
He set the cup down gently on the table, looking at it with a certain intensity. “But it’s not just about getting the cup. It’s about keeping it safe. I have to be careful not to drop it, not to let it get scratched or cracked. I can’t just leave it lying around, or I might lose it. If it falls, it shatters and once it’s broken, it’s gone. That’s the hard part. The effort is in the keeping making sure it stays whole, that it doesn’t slip away from me.”
Lucian looked up at Celestia, a slight sadness in his eyes as he continued. “Getting something, whether it’s a cup or a person, is easy. But keeping it, preserving it, protecting it from harm that’s the real challenge. And maybe, in a way, that’s what love is. It’s not just about acquiring someone or having them in your life. It’s about fearing the loss, fearing that they might slip through your fingers. It’s the care, the effort you put in to keep them, to make sure they stay whole and unbroken.”
He sighed softly, a melancholic smile tugging at his lips. “That’s why I think love is more about the fear of losing someone than the joy of getting them in the first place. The longer you have something you care about, the more you realize how fragile it is. And the more you realize how much you’re willing to protect it, to keep it safe.”
Lucian’s voice grew softer, as if admitting this out loud made it all more real. “That’s what love is to me the fear of losing someone. Not just wanting to gain them, but wanting to keep them, because the thought of losing them is unbearable.”
Celestia listened in silence, a soft smile still on her lips, but her mind was in turmoil. That bitch again… Her thoughts raced, frustration boiling inside her as she tried to keep her composure. Why does everything always come back to her? Avey, Avey, Avey… Discover exclusive content at empire
Inside her head, she screamed, That bitch, that bitch, that bitch… But on the outside, she was the picture of calm, her gaze soft and affectionate as she looked at Lucian.
“I see,” Celestia said softly, her voice filled with understanding, though it was tinged with something else something Lucian wouldn’t notice. “So, love to you is about the fear of loss.”
Lucian nodded, relieved that she seemed to understand, though there was still a sadness in his eyes.
—–